Posts Tagged ‘white people’

What Would You Do?

April 20, 2010

What would you do if you saw a 5-ft long crocodile swimming in your pool?

Would you dip your toes in the water and taunt it like a fat kid chasing an ice cream truck that just won’t stop? If you answered yes, congratulations, because you’ll soon be featured in one of my “When Animals Attack (mostly white people)” articles.

Australia – A water aerobics class in Darwin had to be postponed this morning after a crocodile was found in the pool. The 5ft reptile was spotted in the Howard Springs Holiday Park pool about 30 minutes before the class was due to start.

Park manager Geoff Thompson said they found the creature while carrying out safety checks. He added: ‘We went down like normal to check the pools out – chlorine and test them, give them a scoop out -because [on] Tuesdays and Thursdays the local ladies of Howard Springs do their water aerobics. ‘And there was a crocodile in there.’ He said none of the women was keen to start the class at the scheduled time.
‘They were all there waiting for the ranger to collect it and once he got it out of the water they started their aerobics,’ he said.

Mr Thompson said he first thought someone must have deliberately put the crocodile in the pool. But he now believes it slipped under a section of the fence.

I guess finding a crocodile in a pool in Australia is akin to finding a crackhead in an abandoned building in Any Hood, USA.

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More White People in Imminent Danger

March 9, 2010

FACT: The diet of a Great White Shark generally consists of  sea lions, seals, animated clownfish, other sharks and of course, crazy shark-attack instigating white people.

FACT: Sometimes white people like to  slather their nether regions with chum, throw on some scuba gear and play “Underwater Paparazzi” with giant deadly sea creatures.  Sounds like a hell of a Saturday morning doesn’t it??

Playing “TMZ” with a shark not extreme enough for you? Try grabbing it by the nose or tickling its anus when it swims near you. You can place bets to see how quickly you’ll lose your limb and get bonus points if it snatches you right out of the cage!

None of the fools in the pictures above were injured.  Sad, I know.  But there’s always next time. And trust me, there WILL be a next time!

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When Animals Attack White People Pt. XVIII

February 18, 2010

Salad tossing pelicans? Now I’ve seen it all. I’m done with the internet.

Peeped @ D-Listed

Polar Bears = 2 | White People = 0

April 13, 2009

Remember how I posted that article a while ago about the guy in Alaska that was attacked by a polar bear after it chased him around his truck like a bitch? Well I just heard about another incident invovling white people and polar bears and honestly, I’m not the least bit surprised.

wenn2366668

Christmas came early for the polar bears this year.

A 32-year old woman was at the Berlin Zoo with her family when she decided to hop over a fence, a prickly bush and another barrier to break into the polar bear enclosure. She then decides to swim over to one of the polar bears, probably assuming that it would smile and give her a Coke. It’s apparent that this lady is crazy or smoking some amazing weed because she definitely had a smile on her face while swimming toward a potentially gruesome, yet hilarious to watch, death:

hoorayforbears

Needless to say, when the polar bears spotted this delusional woman, they were initially confused, but quickly remembered that the craziest ones are always the tastiest ones.

Polar Bear: Mmmm, I'm about to cut some bacon off your back!

Polar Bear: Mmmm, I'm about to cut some bacon off ya back! Let me hear ya squeal!!

After being bitten like a Notorious BIG line in a Jay Z song the foolish woman eventually realized that these bears weren’t playing around. Oh, did I mention that she decided to jump in their habitat during FEEDING TIME? Fortunately there’s a video of the rescue. Unfortunately there’s a video of the rescue and not the mauling that rightfully should have occurred.

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White people sure love…

December 30, 2008

BEING ATTACKED BY WILD ANIMALS! WOOOOO!!

polarbearchase

Nothing gets white people’s blood pumping like a good ol’ fashioned mauling! This guy in Barrow, Alaska BEAR-LY escaped instant disembowelment after being chased around his truck by a man-eating polar bear. It took a good swipe at him like a feisty chola with a razor blade in her mouth, but he managed to jump in someone else’s truck seconds before being chopped up like he was in a life size Magic Bullet (As Seen On TV!).  This story just proves that the Chicago Bears aren’t the only ones that can’t make a decent tackle…

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