Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Pandorilla Fur

November 19, 2009

Apparently a panda and a gorilla had wild monkey-bear sex during a one night stand in Italy to produce the bastard offspring that was shaved to make Naomi Campbell’s ridiculous Dolce & Gabbana fur coat.

Once upon a time this supermodel used to be a spokesperson for PETA. Back in 1994 she posed nekkid in one of their anti-fur campaigns, but as you can see from this picture, her memory is nearly as short as her temper. I guess hypocrisy is the new black, eh?

Spotted @ Daily Mail

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iThug is Still on Twitter

May 15, 2009

twitter(Click the pic to go to my profile)

Why am I still using Twitter? That’s a damn good question! I STILL think it’s wack as hell. Maybe it’s because I don’t have any followers? That being said, perhaps you should add me to your list of “followees”!

I give out prizes on a daily basis! And by prizes I mean ignorant observations, miscellaneous quotes and other hilarious gibberish. That’s pretty much the point right? If I’m gonna follow somebody they better have something profound or entertaining to say. Nobody cares that you “Went to the store to buy some detergent”, nor do I wanna see crap like “Stomach ache; ate too many biscuits and white sausage gravy…mud butt imminent.” F*** that!

The Origin of Swine Flu

May 5, 2009
"The best part of waking up is...Swine Flu in your cup?"

"The best part of waking up is...Swine Flu in your cup?"

See, that’s why I don’t drink coffee! I’ll be glad when this Swine Flu/H1N1 garbage blows over. It’s the same as the regular damn flu in terms of symptoms and severity. 35,000 people die from the flu every year and it doesn’t grab headlines every damn day, nor does it cause schools to close! Get some hand sanitizer and stop putting your nasty little mouth on everything!

On a side note…the picture above just gave me a good idea–Chocolate-Coffee Covered Bacon Bars! Chocolate Bacon bars are already out on the market but the addition of the coffee flavor and the caffeine enhance its addictive qualities tenfold!

Actually, that might not be good enough. I just Googled “chocolate + bacon” and realized how deep this rabbit hole really goes. They have Candied-Bacon Ice Cream, Bacon Bras (NSFW) and a Bacon AK-47 a.k.a the BA-K 47, which I assume shoots bacon bits. FACT: If all of the world’s bullets were replaced with bacon there would immediately be peace on earth. Muslims and those black people that don’t eat pork for unconvincing non-religious or health-related reasons could use turkey bacon instead. It’s a Win-Win!

Maybe I should make a new video game system out of bacon. I’ll call it the Playbacon 3. Or I can make Bacon Shakes, no, scratch that…Bacon-flavored Water! Water is hot right now. Bacon is hot right now. Combine the two and you’ll have an irresistibly delicious, thirst-quenching orgy in your mouth! And it’s just in time for the summer!

WACKNSS

April 27, 2009

Peep the license plate on this car that I spotted outside of my gym the other day…

"WIFELSS"

"WIFELSS"

That’s a bold statement, but I’m sure this cat is still pulling all types of sexy, shallow women with that car. I’m also going to assume that Drew Peterson is the driver.

I had to make a quick escape after taking this picture because the owner came out and I wasn’t about to  get arrested for BBWSTCWMW (Being Black While Standing Too Close to a White Man’s Whip). Too many of my homies got locked up for that last year.  FACT: Black people have been getting arrested for BBWSTCWMW since slavery was in full effect, back when a whip was merely a slave master’s weapon of choice.

It’s funny how “whips” and “chains” are actually desirable to the hip hop community these days whereas they used to be tools of oppression. You know what else is cool in hip hop now? Wackness!  Back in the day if you called a rapper wack he would shank you. Telling me that I was wack was like a white man calling me a nigger (see Michael Richards). But these days if you call a rapper wack it’s a compliment. Why? Beacuse wack rappers make hits son! Ringtone money is where it’s at!  Nobody cares about  similes and wordplay and “lyrics”. That don’t sound hot on the radio sucka! I’m about to record myself snoring and throw some AutoTune effects on the track so I can get that T-Pain sound. INSTANT HOTNESS!

Gay Fish

April 13, 2009

kanyefish200

The creators of South Park actually released the FULL version of Kanye West’s “Gay Fish” song for everyone to download!

Click the link below to stream/download the song!

(more…)

Milestone

April 10, 2009

100 POSTS!!!

thumbsup

Yep, this is officially my 100th post! It only took about four months to get there but I made it nonetheless!

Are you excited?! No? Did you merely come to my blog in search of Air Force Ones and areolas? Well I guess you’re a bit disappointed but you should keep reading anyway.

Seriously though, have you ever seen a large areola on a small breast? It looks like the boob is wearing one of those Jewish “Kippah” hats…

yarmulke

It ain’t hot yet! Sit down!

April 9, 2009
SUMMER TIME!!!!

SUMMER TIME!!!!

Everybody knows that the crime rate rises significantly as soon as the weather warms up. A flood of ignorance fills the streets as little punk ass unsupervised kids wreak havoc and irritate me with their mere existence. A surge of violence incited by arguments over Lil Wayne and some girl’s ass will once again threaten to destroy the black community leaving nothing but fake hair, chicken bones and tons of unread books in its wake. Unfortunately this inevitably happens every year and there’s nothing that you can do but sit back and wait for the sounds of gunshots to remix the ice cream truck jingle.

Yesterday, as I was returning home from my girl’s crib, I noticed that there were waaaaay too many hoodlum ass kids running around my block. They were outside yellin at nobody and everybody, loitering in front of doorways to buildings where none of them live, fighting and just plain gettin on my damn nerves. I heard ambulances and police cars going back and forth like they were doing suicide drills in basketball practice, and I’m pretty sure the sky turned a reddish-green. Isn’t it too early for this?? It was only 50 degrees! I’m not ready yet! I’m definitely NOT looking forward to another summer in my neighborhood. 2009 has already gotten off to a terrible start with all of the mass murders, job losses and crazy weather.

If it were up to me I’d send anyone between the ages of 10 – 22 to special camps out in the country. I’d put them to work to make them productive members of society for once. I might even conduct harmless experiments for scientific research. It’s apparent that these kids are too hyped up and fat these days. My camps would help them lose weight and learn to concentrate. Hmmm, Concentrating Encampments. That has a nice ring to it…

Let the Twatting Begin!

March 31, 2009

Click the image below to see my Twitter profile. Any time I make an update it’ll appear at the top of the sidebar on the right

FOLLOW ME!

twitter

Michelle Obama’s Prom Photo

March 7, 2009

PD*27360427

This is a picture  of an 18-year old Michelle Obama and her loser date, David Upchurch, at Whitney Young High School’s 1982 prom (CHI-TOWN STAND UP!) .

My thoughts:

  1. Well it’s apparent that Michelle wasn’t shy about showing the 3-piece combo: leg, thigh, and breast.  I wonder if her date got the biscuit later that night…3-piece
  2. You can’t keep it any realer than taking a picture in the wicker chair. Ask Huey Newton:20070213-huey_newton
  3. I just realized that Michelle Obama’s date is actually Stedman Graham a.k.a Oprah’s bitch! solomonstedman-oprah
  4. I’m probably gonna get shot for writing this post so I’m about to go to Walmart and pick up a shotgun and a spear and sit in my wicker chair until them people finally come for me. THUG LIFE!

BONUS PICTURE

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Source

Random Thoughts 3.2.09

March 2, 2009

–Would it be mean to walk up to a girl and say “Hey, I bet you would look good if you wore some makeup”?

–I actually saw somebody wearing old school earmuffs today. People still wear those? I damn near forgot they existed!
Earmuff Inventor

–Is it me or does Michelle Obama’s face look extra strong in this photo?

michelleobama

Perhaps the stylists were a little more aggressive with her eyebrows makeup (photoshop) than in some of her other candid photos? Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good photo, but you know hating runs in my blood. HATE HATE HATE!