Archive for the ‘fail’ Category

Grossest Picture of 2010 Thus Far

February 9, 2010

I spotted this over at Crunk + Disorderly

I don’t know the nature of this photo or when it was taken but it doesn’t matter does it? Fellas, if you ever need to pace yourself while having sexual relations, you should visualize this in your head. But don’t do it for too long or your genitals might retreat inside your body indefinitely. I don’t even know what to say about this pic. The super deluxe ashy ankles, dirty lime green Crocs, Tyrone Biggums lips and the yellow “Where the Wild Things Are” eyes are just too much. And why is Clay Aiken holding him in the air like he just carried his bride across the threshold?

WTF?!?!?! Undercover Butt Sniffer??

December 23, 2009

Why??????????????????????????????

This is the most disturbing thing i’ve seen in a long time. This guy is smelling another dude’s butthole in a grocery store. I should not be able to formulate a sentence with such nonsensical content.  And you mean to tell me that the store clerk didn’t think something was suspicious that whole time he was getting sexually assaulted? Maybe he liked it.  I would’ve spotted that sick bastard easily with my peripherals and turned around and hit em with a 1-2 combo like BLOOP BLAOW!

I’ll never feel comfortable in a grocery store ever again…

$1,000 Computer Speakers?!

December 7, 2009

I don’t care how good these Harmon Kardon GLA-55 speakers look on paper cuz I guarantee you that they aren’t a thousand dollars good. Do you know how much Grade-A weed I can buy with that kinda money? Do you know how much mediocre weed I could buy with that kinda money?!? What was the inspiration behind the design? Decapitated piranhas??

Verdict: WACK!

Spotted @ Gizmodo

Damn Damn DAMN!

December 7, 2009

Somehow I completely forgot about the racist ass snowfall that was scheduled to touchdown in Chicago overnight.  As you can imagine I was a bit perturbed when I opened my front door this morning. And by “a bit perturbed” of course I mean “angrier than a conservative Catholic male from Texas at a gay communist pro-choice party without his gun.”

So I wake up and get ready for work, already mad as hell that I have to come to this punk ass job, and as soon as I step outside my door…BAM!!! Chicago winter shits on me immediately. There’s an inch of snow on the ground, the streets are slushy, the sidewalks are messed up and I missed 3 buses that all passed by me at the same time. And of course the bus stop is 3 blocks away! You would think that folk in  Chicago would be used to these conditions but as soon as a single snowflake falls from the sky the traffic and bus/train schedules go to shit. And it stays shitty even after it stops snowing and the roads are clear because the mere perception of snow apparently lowers the collective IQ of the city about 90 points. (more…)

Mugshot of the Day

October 12, 2009

beads

Name: M. Barrassing

Charge: Armed robbery with a firearm and attempted armed robbery with a firearm

I can’t believe this guy has the audacity to try to commit crimes with beads in his hair.  Why? Well, he certainly can’t sneak up on anyone. It probably sounds like you’re being ambushed by a pair of maracas. Then again they might come in handy when he’s running from the cops. If they fall out of his hair (see old Venus Williams tennis matches) the cops might slip on them, but he’ll still get caught eventually when they follow the trail of beads back to his hideout.

When will young black men realize that beads are not for them?! It’s nearly 2010 and this is still happening?? With all the homophobia in hip hop you would think that it wouldn’t be cool for thugs to want to bedazzle their hair but apparently this practice slipped through the cracks. Are some cats wearing scrunchies too? Is that what’s hot in the streets now?

These are the only two guys in history that can wear beads and get away with it:

rick-jamescaptain-jack-sparrow

Unless you’re the baddest muthaf*ckin, best-lookin sanger of all time (R.I.P) or an eccentric eye-liner wearing Caribbean pirate you need to stick to braids with black rubber bands or nothing at all. Yeah, I know Stevie Wonder had beads too but he obviously didn’t know any better. I’m just sayin…

Everyone Can’t Be Ninjas

September 17, 2009

This guy had to learn the hard way…

Shanking the Band

August 12, 2009

Sarah Stokes Mug Shot

Sara Stokes a.k.a the non-mannish chick from the first season of Diddy’s “Making the Band” was arrested for domestic violence charges and assault with a deadly weapon after stabbing her husband last week. From the mugshot above you would think that she got her ass whooped but according to police reports  she fell down after arguing with her husband and busted her grill {womp womp}.  He probably made some hilarious comment like “Damn, yo career ain’t the only thing that fell off” and she got mad and stabbed him in the arm with a knife, prison style.

Perhaps when she fell down the silicone from her newly-acquired Dolly Parton sized breast implants leaked out and traveled straight to her brain?

Here’s a picture of Sara Stokes, her  watermelon boobs (which I would still motorboat by the way) and her victim husband:

TheStokes

The best part about this whole story has to be the statement issued by her lawyer, Eric Kayira:

“Sara and Tony have a very passionate and loving relationship that on August 2, while having an evening of fun, she slipped and fell, hitting her head heavily on the ground and somehow in the process of helping her Tony got injured.”

WTF?! “Somehow in the process of helping her Tony got injured”??? How does that happen? She was holding a knife when she fell? Was she trying to use the knife to gain her footing? Something doesn’t sound right to me. This reminds me of the time when I was brushing my teeth and sneezed and accidentally shot the mailman who I just happened to be angry at because he kept crumpling up the mail in my mailbox. You go to hell USPS!!!!

Source

The Price of Coonery

May 18, 2009

Feeling down? This picture will certainly lift your spirits:

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Fail of the Day

April 17, 2009

fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures

20 year guarantee, eh? It should read “Buy 10.. Get 1.. Unwanted Baby and/or STD”

I doubt these are better than my own homemade condoms. Sandwich bag + twist tie + vegetable oil = prophylactic genius!

Bonus Fail!

fail owned pwned pictures
“Eeeeeeeeeeeek!!!”

Wack Album Cover: Dipset Edition

April 13, 2009

ruga_cover1

Hell Rell, the second coming of Craig Mack and the hardest rapper in Dipset, has an impressive record when it comes to TERRIBLE mixtape covers. The cover for his newest masterpiece, Ruga Rell: Return to the Grind, looks like it can also double as the poster for an awful, low-budget, VHS-only, urban sci-fi movie that no sober person will ever rent from a  video store.  How many permanent markers do you have to sniff to think that it would be a good idea to turn yourself into a cyborg thug standing in front of a laser-emitting fireball? Watching too many episodes of The Sarah Connor Chronicles are we?

Here’s the plot for the movie:

Reliford “Ruga” Lawson was the biggest drug kingpin in New York until he was gunned down by a rival crew. Ruga should have died that night but he was rescued by a homeless man who rebuilt him using common household items from a dumpster. Now with the ability to cook crack faster than ever and hustle 24/7 without ever needing to sleep, Ruga seeks revenge on his killers as he attempts to reign supreme in the streets once again.

Megan Good also stars as Tina, a former child actor who copes with a severe bout of alcoholism and drug addiction after realizing that she is doomed to experience a lifetime of mediocrity as an actress and a terrible R&B singer