Archive for May, 2010

Is it really that serious?

May 12, 2010

A former Marine who neighbors say obsessed over his University Park lawn is being held on $3 million bail, accused of gunning down a neighbor whose puppy urinated on the man’s well-manicured grass.

Charles J. Clements, 69, had won the south suburb’s beautification and lawn upkeep award but also was known for threatening people who dared to set foot in his yard, neighbors said.

Joshua Funches, a 23-year-old father of two, was walking his fox terrier Gucci in the 500 block of Landau Road on Sunday night when the dog lifted its leg and urinated on Clements’ lawn, said Funches’ mother Patricia, 53.

The two men began arguing, and at some point, Clements, a retired truck driver, pulled out a pistol and pointed it at Funches, a Crete-Monee High School graduate who drove a bus, said Will County Assistant State’s Attorney Sondra Denmark.

Witnesses said Funches then said to Clements, “Next time you pull out a pistol, why don’t you use it?” Denmark said. At that point, witnesses said they saw orange and white light and heard a loud noise. They saw Funches fall to the ground.

WTF is wrong with people?! How are you gonna kill somebody because their puppy pee’d on your lawn? I’ve seen some old people that were ridiculously anal about maintaining their punk ass lawns but this one obviously takes the cake.  When I was a young thug there wasn’t a day that went by when some old chump wasn’t yellin out their window telling me to “Get off the lawn!” or “Get off my car!” or “Get off my daughter!” but none of em ever came running out with a gun.  And if they did I certainly wouldn’t provoke them by saying “Next time you pull out a pistol, why don’t you use it?” Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t no punk, but I would handle this situation like we do in the streets.  I’d do a drive by on his lawn and pee in his mailbox while he’s asleep. Then again, this crazy negro probably doesn’t sleep. I bet he just sits by the window all day and night while polishing his pistol (double entendre…no homo) and waits for someone to even LOOK at his grass the wrong way.

Additional observations:

-Why the hell was the victim’s dog named “Gucci”??

-When the cops came Mr. Clements told them, “I knew you were coming for me. That’s why I changed my clothes. I knew you were coming for me.”

WTF? He changed his clothes? Did he put on a leisure suit and some gators? Did he want to ride to prison in style? I bet he got so excited when he saw the dog peeing on his lawn that he jumped straight out of his bedroom window with nothing but his gun and tighty whities yellin “OORAH!!!”