Archive for August, 2009

Let’s stick to high fives shall we?

August 25, 2009

The Byran Brothers

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This pair of inseparable identical twins is arguably the best men’s doubles team in the history of tennis.

They also happen to take the gayest pictures in the history of tennis…

Beijing Olympics Tennis Mens Doubles

Slow down there fellas! There are kids around!

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Okay, this is getting a bit out of hand.  A simple terrorist fist jab or headbutt would work.

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~Sigh~

I quit…

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When Animals Attack: Yo Ass is Grass Edition

August 25, 2009

A gamekeeper at a national park in Uganda was walking around talking reckless one day when one of the inhabitants finally decided put him in check…

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FACT: Hippos are the most dangerous animals in Africa. They kill more people than crocodiles, lions and blood diamond mining.

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FACT: The hippo is the 3rd largest land mammal in the world. Kirstie Alley’s butt cheeks are #1 and #2, respectively.

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FACT: Hippos can run up to 30mph.  Unless you’re Usain Bolt with a jetpack you might want to sit this race out. The guy in the picture somehow managed to escape. The hippo probably didn’t want the karma of his death on its soul.

Note to Self: Learn how NOT to fail on Facebook

August 23, 2009

Looks like someone didn’t know that you can send private messages on Facebook…

poortracy

If you’re this dumb you should really stick to sending emails.  I’m assuming that Tracy’s  intention was to post this on Michael’s wall but of course that would’ve turned out just as badly. According to her page she appears to be engaged. If this is true Michael better be her fiance or else she’ll receive an Event Invitation from her real man very soon…

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Update: It appears that Tracy’s page was hacked. Well, that’s no fun.

Best Note Ever

August 17, 2009
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"Dear Mutherfucker, you park like an asshole. I hope your children get hooked on drugs."

Somehow the elegant font on this typed note softens the hilarious cruelty of the message.

Well done!

Shanking the Band

August 12, 2009

Sarah Stokes Mug Shot

Sara Stokes a.k.a the non-mannish chick from the first season of Diddy’s “Making the Band” was arrested for domestic violence charges and assault with a deadly weapon after stabbing her husband last week. From the mugshot above you would think that she got her ass whooped but according to police reports  she fell down after arguing with her husband and busted her grill {womp womp}.  He probably made some hilarious comment like “Damn, yo career ain’t the only thing that fell off” and she got mad and stabbed him in the arm with a knife, prison style.

Perhaps when she fell down the silicone from her newly-acquired Dolly Parton sized breast implants leaked out and traveled straight to her brain?

Here’s a picture of Sara Stokes, her  watermelon boobs (which I would still motorboat by the way) and her victim husband:

TheStokes

The best part about this whole story has to be the statement issued by her lawyer, Eric Kayira:

“Sara and Tony have a very passionate and loving relationship that on August 2, while having an evening of fun, she slipped and fell, hitting her head heavily on the ground and somehow in the process of helping her Tony got injured.”

WTF?! “Somehow in the process of helping her Tony got injured”??? How does that happen? She was holding a knife when she fell? Was she trying to use the knife to gain her footing? Something doesn’t sound right to me. This reminds me of the time when I was brushing my teeth and sneezed and accidentally shot the mailman who I just happened to be angry at because he kept crumpling up the mail in my mailbox. You go to hell USPS!!!!

Source

You’ll watch this at least 3 times

August 10, 2009

The only way this would’ve been better is if she was in a convertible.

Jeremih – Birthday Sex (Official Remix)

August 9, 2009

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Mugshot of the Week

August 4, 2009

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Name:  Larry “Lobez” Lewinsky*

Charge:  Criminal Defacement of Public Property

Lobez was arrested for tagging various businesses in the suburbs with his graffiti pals and charged with 2 counts of Aggravated Douchery. Does this fool have a bottle cap in one ear and a poker chip in the other? Does he just stick different things in his earlobes depending on how he feels? Real Talk: one day he was rocking a shot glass in one ear and a tube of chapstick in the other. Someone’s clearly trying EXTRA hard to rebel against their parents.  I thought he looked scary until I came across this:

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Name:  Scary Poppins*

Charge: Aggravated Criminal Sexual Abuse (really??)

Apparently Ms. Poppins was an elementary school nurse that got caught allegedly having sexual relations with three teen boys in 2006.  She’s 50 and the boys that she messed with were between the ages of 13 and 17. I’m assuming that one of the boys’ parents “accidentally” read a text message that was sent by the naughty nurse that said something like  “Panties off…teeth out…time to take ur temperature. ” If I had a thing for vampire zombie lookin women I’d totally give her the business.

*Fake names were used to protect the innocent (me)

Black Hero Spotlight: Isiah Carey

August 4, 2009

Every so often I’ll showcase an individual of Negro American descent who I believe to be a maverick and a pioneer in this world of white oppression.

Today’s Black Hero is legendary Houston, Texas news reporter, Isiah Carey.

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You may remember him from his brilliant performance in “Country Ass Town”

Carey also appeared in several other awe-inspiring featurettes such as “Bitch Wasn’t There” and “I Ain’t Got No ‘Prompter”

I salute you, Isiah Carey. You are my Black Hero!