Archive for July, 2009

Chris Brown and Rihanna: The Movie

July 28, 2009

slapdance

In no way, shape or form do I condone domestic violence but this is just hilarious to me. One minute she’s spinning around merrily and the next thing you know she’s getting Ike Turnered. And look at how the guy just tries to resume dancing like nothing happened. Wow!  I’m sure there’s a video to go along with this so when I find it I’ll post it. Of course YouTube is blocked at my job, along with happiness and free will.

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iThug Approves: DVD of the Week

July 28, 2009

whale porn

Madonna’s arms haunt my dreams

July 28, 2009

madonnarms

I know she works out 5 times a day 10 times a week but damn.  I’m not sure if this is a real person or an interpretation of a piece from the Body Worlds exhibits crafted in Madame Tussaud’s House of Wax. Yeah, I know, billions of women only dream to be in shape like Madonna when they’re 123 years old, yadda, yadda, yadda…nevertheless, those arms are gross. It’s like her skeleton is slowly digesting her muscles! On a positive note, her nasty looking arms succeed quite well in taking the focus off of her face. Perhaps it’s just a bad angle but she looks like Kim Cattrall (Sex in the City) with Michael Chiklis’ (The Shield) chin.

Hating makes me feel so good.

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Chris Brown Is Sorry As Hell

July 22, 2009

And I don’t mean that in a good way! Have you seen his wack apology to Rihanna and his fans?

I can’t believe this dude is CLEARLY reading cue cards? You couldn’t speak from the heart or at least memorize that shiznit?! Don’t you memorize songs? You can memorize songs that other people wrote but not apologies? And you’re just now apologizing? Really? Your lawyers are WACK son. And why are you dressed like an Iron Chef? Can you make a delicious seven-course meal out of random secret ingredients like squid beak or grasshopper claws? NO!

worstphotoshopever

Hippie Robots Love the Palm Pre

July 14, 2009

Well, I don’t know that for sure, but the one in this video is certainly promoting it:

Apparently the cyborg in this video is Tamara Hope, a Canadian actress (it figures). Why does she only have one expression on her face? Why is she speaking so quietly? What the hell is “Bing…bing…bing”? How does sliding your finger across a screen produce a bing? Only a Canadian robot hippie would come up with something like that. I can already tell that I’m gonna have nightmares about this.

Spotted @ Gizmodo

iThug Approves: Jennifer’s Body

July 8, 2009
Vodpod videos no longer available.

Jennifer’s Body is either a wack alternative rock band or the name of an upcoming horror movie starring Megan Fox and her breasts. Luckily, it’s the latter. Anyone that has seen Transformers has probably noticed that Megan Fox isn’t a great actress. However if you happen to have a penis and aren’t gay you probably don’t give a damn.

Megan Fox has quickly pole-vaulted to the top of “iThug’s Finest Women Alive, Skeet Skeet Skeet, Giggity List.” Of course this list is much more prestigious than those compiled by People Magazine, FHM and Maxim. Other fine ass women on my list include Alicia Keys, Rihanna, Halle Berry, Oprah, Kim Kardashian, Nia Long, Roxy Reynolds, Salma Hayek and Esther Baxter. This is the current top 10 (in no particular order) but please note that this list is subject to change at any given moment without notice so don’t catch any feelings if your fantasy woman wasn’t mentioned. Honorable mentions include Kelly Ripa, Condoleeza Rice and various MySpace skanks.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the new Megan Fox movie. After viewing the trailer above several times in my room with the lights and my clothes off I can say that the movie looks like it could be somewhat entertaining…maybe. Hell, even if it sucks I can just focus on Megan’s sexiness. I don’t know how well this film is going to do at the box office but if erections were dollars this movie would certainly be the one to beat.

"Oh how I wish that iThug would have his way with me"

"Take me, iThug. Take me!"

Creepiest Billboard Ever?

July 6, 2009

Government officials in New Zealand have installed billboards on the highway to bring awareness to the reckless driving that has resulted in an unprecedented number of fatal crashes recently. Whenever it rains a picture of a child’s face begins to bleed out of all of its orifices like something from a Japanese horror film that will eventually spawn a poorly remade American version.

The authorities say that the billboards have been effective (doubt it) but wouldn’t it be ironic if they were so attention grabbing that they caused more accidents? Any of my Chicago people remember those huge Dennis Rodman billboards with the changing hair color?? Ah, those were the days.

Spotted @ Gizmodo

You Da, You Da Breast (I Ever Had)

July 6, 2009
Vodpod videos no longer available.

I know I’m kinda late on this one but Drake’s video for “Best I Ever Had” is somehow the best and worst video that i’ve seen in quite a while.  Kanye West is the director. Controversy ensues…

Why it’s the WORST:

  1. It’s painfully obvious that this song primarily appeals to Drake’s female fans. How could it possibly be a good idea to turn them off as much as possible by making a video where slow-motion breast jiggling gets more camera time than the artist?
  2. Kanye is the director. I don’t have a problem with the guy but it’s clear that he has a tendency to get carried away with most things. Case and point–this video.
  3. All those busty girls with no trampolines to jump on in slow motion? FAIL!!!

Why it’s the BEST:

  1. As a man I can’t really complain about gratuitous ass/breasts footage. This is the best thing that I’ve seen since BET Uncut was taken off the air a few years ago.
  2. Kanye is the director. I don’t have a problem with the guy because it’s clear that he’s a pervert and I can relate to that.
  3. Boobies.