The Origin of Swine Flu

"The best part of waking up is...Swine Flu in your cup?"

"The best part of waking up is...Swine Flu in your cup?"

See, that’s why I don’t drink coffee! I’ll be glad when this Swine Flu/H1N1 garbage blows over. It’s the same as the regular damn flu in terms of symptoms and severity. 35,000 people die from the flu every year and it doesn’t grab headlines every damn day, nor does it cause schools to close! Get some hand sanitizer and stop putting your nasty little mouth on everything!

On a side note…the picture above just gave me a good idea–Chocolate-Coffee Covered Bacon Bars! Chocolate Bacon bars are already out on the market but the addition of the coffee flavor and the caffeine enhance its addictive qualities tenfold!

Actually, that might not be good enough. I just Googled “chocolate + bacon” and realized how deep this rabbit hole really goes. They have Candied-Bacon Ice Cream, Bacon Bras (NSFW) and a Bacon AK-47 a.k.a the BA-K 47, which I assume shoots bacon bits. FACT: If all of the world’s bullets were replaced with bacon there would immediately be peace on earth. Muslims and those black people that don’t eat pork for unconvincing non-religious or health-related reasons could use turkey bacon instead. It’s a Win-Win!

Maybe I should make a new video game system out of bacon. I’ll call it the Playbacon 3. Or I can make Bacon Shakes, no, scratch that…Bacon-flavored Water! Water is hot right now. Bacon is hot right now. Combine the two and you’ll have an irresistibly delicious, thirst-quenching orgy in your mouth! And it’s just in time for the summer!


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