Reason #34 Why I Hate My Job

Mutha******* don’t know how to use a microwave!!!

Some fool just left some popcorn in the microwave and damn near set the kitchen on fire! Why is so hard NOT to break a damn microwave in this place?! Do you know how bad burnt popcorn smells? It smells like a sweaty foot and a musty armpit had sex in a rotten pumpkin on top of a dead cow! Maybe even worse!

Don’t get me wrong, everybody occasionally leaves some popcorn in the microwave a little longer than they would have liked, but I don’t understand how you could just COMPLETELY FORGET about it. Besides, doesn’t popcorn take like 2-3 minutes to pop? Do you have the attention span of a pubic hair?? I guess boxes of popcorn should now come with a label on the front that says:

“Caution: Individuals with less than a high school education should not attempt to operate even the most simple machinery. That means you, Cletus. That goes for your father/brother as well. Try not to get your penis stuck in the refrigerator ice dispenser while you’re at it.”


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