Archive for March, 2009

Let the Twatting Begin!

March 31, 2009

Click the image below to see my Twitter profile. Any time I make an update it’ll appear at the top of the sidebar on the right



Is it really Spring?

March 30, 2009
Perfect time for a marathon, no?

Perfect time for a marathon, no?

Bank of America hosted its annual 8K Shamrock Shuffle marathon in Chicago this weekend, and as you can see from the picture above, the weather was absolutely breathtaking–in a dying from hypothermia sort of way.

The high this weekend was about 40 degrees. It rained on Saturday and snowed on Sunday. Some northern suburbs were buried under 7″ of snow but that’s the price you pay for being in the burbs and not having adequate sidewalks and street lights. I guess it’s safe to say that a more appropriate title for this race would’ve been the “Shamrock Shovel“. Haha? Ha? No? You go to hell and you die!

30,000 people registered for the race but only 14,000 showed up.  That’s probably the only reason why a family of Kenyans didn’t place 1st, 2nd and 3rd in record time.


Hooray for Stem Cells

March 30, 2009

Like most heterosexual males I’m a big fan of boobs/breasts/fun bags/sweater puppies,  but when it comes to implants I usually have to draw the line. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind them so much when they’re subtle and not so hard that you’ll break your nose if you try to motorboat em, but some women get carried away…


Ghost Twitters? Really?

March 27, 2009


So I just read an article in The New York Times about celebrities that are using ghostwriters on their Twitter accounts. Really? You need to hire somebody to write silly, sporadic 140 character messages about nothing? Is it that hard to use your phone or laptop to type:

Rode my bike today and fell. Had to get a cast for my scrot’. Mom asked if she could sign it. Ewwww! LOLOLOLOL!!!

In my opinion Twitter is the most overrated new tech fad out right now. Sure, it’s a decent marketing tool for companies and a fantastic way to feel as if you actually have some semblance of an actual social life, but overall it’s wack.

I’m amazed at how many people follow these celebrities on Twitter knowing damn well that they’re probably not receiving those  “tweets”  from the celebs themselves (e.g. Halle Berry’s uncle’s mailman’s best friend’s play cousin.) Look at this message from President Obama’s alleged account (“HNIC POTUS”):

Hillary better start using her damn inside voice in the Oval Office!

I wonder if Condoleeza can make it clap…*ponders*

Damn! Biden needs to wear some Blu Blockers over his teeth or quit smilin so much!

Grrrrr @ AIG! They shoulda never gave ya’ll n*ggaz money! F*ck yo couch!

Actually I think that really is the President…

Nevertheless if people are dumb enough to send friend requests to those fake celeb profiles on Facebook and Myspace all the time I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised by this tomofoolery. Besides, there are a few celebrities like Shaq that keep it real for the fans so I guess it’s not all that bad. And with that being said, I will now create a Twitter account for iThug!


Aretha Freaklin?

March 25, 2009

So this is how Aretha used to get down back in the day??


Is that a tan line or a stretch mark? Is it me or does she look pregnant?

She should reproduce this exact same album cover in 2009 with a big ass church hat instead of a fro. Obviously she’ll have to get a bigger fur coat as well to cover up all of her bosoms (NSFW). That coat would look like a mere washcloth if she were to wear it now and I bet it would barely conceal one of her royal areolas. She should also have her makeup done “Chola” style to give herself more of an edge so people will start to say “Who the hell is Sasha Fierce?”

Fun Fact: Chola is the most actively searched keyword on my blog for some reason so expect me to use it for no damn reason throughout my posts to blatantly increase page views. You cholastand what i’m sayin? Good! Chola Back Young’n! Woo Woo!

WTF?! Clip of the Day

March 24, 2009

Apparently this dude believes he can fly and he intends to prove it to the skeptical host:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Hip Hop Update – Boom. Roasted.: Can …“, posted with vodpod

Big Mac Snack WRAP?

March 23, 2009


Apparently McDonald’s is testing certain Canadian and U.S. markets to see how people feel about an all beef patty, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun flour tortilla?

Hmmm, sounds like a confused burrito to me. I heard that it was raised and sexually abused by its two transgendered parents, Hamburglar and Grimace. Damn shame what they did to that boy…


I’ve never been a fan of the Big Mac with its extra slice of bread in the middle and the Thousand Island… I mean, “Special Sauce” that causes it to slide apart in the box before you even open the damn thing.  Just give me the standard faux meat Quarter Pounder and some fries and I’m good to go!

Speaking of suspicious meat, does anyone find it a bit disconcerting that you can tear a McDonald’s burger apart as easily as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? What kinda sissified beef are we eating?? Whatever, i’ll still get one later today. They’re delicious!


First Day of Spring?

March 20, 2009

Welcome to Chicago!


Today is the first day of spring and it’s 32 degrees outside. The high for today is 44 (colder by the lake.) It was damn near 70 degrees a couple days ago and now we’re below freezing. As John McCain would say, my friends, this is some bullsh*t!!!

Is this going to be another year where a cold, rainy spring abruptly transitions into a hot and humid summer?

Regardless of the weather white people will soon begin to break out their spring wardrobes simply because “It’s SPRING dammit!!!”…


And black people will continue to wear their big ass winter coats until the temperature reaches 77 degrees because their swagger** keeps them cool all year long (lol)…


**This word needs to die!

Obama Art: Take Two

March 20, 2009

You thought I was done when I posted those Obama paintings the other day? You thought it was a wrap? Well feast your eyes on these Obaminations!

Chief Blackhawk Obama


Looks like the artist was influenced by a couple of drug cocktails characters from Mortal Kombat III…


Lil Wayne – The Carter IV (Album Cover)


Well I’ll be damned! Even the President has a “grill”! And not just any ol’ tacky grill, it’s the tacky White House grill! I assume it was custom made by none other than the Master Griller/Candy Paint Dripper/Syrup Sipper himself, Paul Wall. Did you know that President Obama also has a platinum bracelet shaped like the Pentagon along with an iced out Lincoln Memorial medallion for his chain and he only rocks his custom made Nike Air Force 1s when he rides on Air Force One?


(True story!)



I don’t even know what to say about this one.  Is there some sort of encrypted message in here or is it just whimsically racist? Do Mexicans live for hard shell tacos, Obama and tightie whities? Are those rays of light coming from that Tostada in the sky or is the salsa and guacamole leaking out?

You can find even more if these amazing works of art at the official Bad Paintings of Barack Obama website!

8 Mile High Club

March 17, 2009

This cat is Top 5 Dead or Alive!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

This is Flight 3-7-2 on SWA,
The flight attendants on board servin you today,
Theresa in the middle, David in the back,
My name is David and I’m here to tell you that,
Shortly after takeoff, first things first,
There’s soft drinks and coffee to quench your thirst,
But if you want another kinda drink, then just holler,
Alcoholic beverages’ll be four dollars,
If a Monster energy drink is your plan,
That’ll be three dollars and you get the whole can,
We won’t take your cash, you gotta pay with plastic,
If you have a coupon then that’s fantastic,
We know you’re ready to get to new places,
Open up the vents, put away your suitcases,
Carry on items go under the seat,
In front of you so none of you have things by your feet,
If you have a seat on a row with a exit,
We’re gonna talk to ya, so you might as well expect it,
Ya gotta help evacuate, in case we need you,
If you don’t wanna, then we’re gonna re-seat you,
Before we leave, our advice is,
Put away your electronic devices,
Fasten your seatbelt, then put your trays up,
Press the button to make the seatback raise up,
Sit back, relax, have a good time,
It’s almost time to go, so I’m done with the rhyme,
Thank you for the fact that I wasn’t ignored,
This is Southwest Airlines, welcome aboard