As a resident of Illinois I have never been so embarrassed and amused…
Archive for January, 2009
Don’t you hate when you walk into a bathroom and it smells like somebody just shat in FRONT of the toilet and walked away? Have you heard of a “courtesy flush” you funky bastard?!
I went into the bathroom at my job and it smelled like somebody just ate a burnt hair sandwich and washed it down with a spoiled milkshake! You need to regulate that son. Nobody likes a walking septic tank.
I wanna be on you.
I know that I’ll never get a ticket to your “Favorite Things” show where you give out free gifts to audience members, but if I ever made it there’s only one thing that I’d hope to find under my seat–you.
One day while I was sippin a 40 oz of premium malt liquor I was inspired to write this haiku for you:
cotton candy sweet
as gold let me see that Toot-
sie roll, Tootsie roll!
p.s. I’m watchin you!
You know you got problems when you start looking for something and get angry when you can’t find it, only to realize that you’re holding it in your hand. My remote control is a tricky lil bastard!
I don’t know about you but when I glanced at this magazine cover I certainly thought “Oh, this must be the new Black History Month issue!” Click the link to see what I’m talkin about…(Warning: NSFW)
YOUR HOOD PASS IS OFFICIALLY REVOKED!!!
1984 Alfonso Ribeiro called and said he wants his style back!
There’s just SO MUCH wrong with this picture that I don’t even know where to begin. But I’ll give it a shot anyway…
- Dude looks like the villain from a Steven Segal movie
- Does Sears Portraits offer the “50 Cent Album Cover” theme now?
- Perhaps this is the cover for next month’s issue of “Stretch-Marksmen” magazine?
- Her stomach looks like an albino watermelon.
- Why is his hand nearly as gross as her stomach?
- It looks like her stretch marks are migrating to the upper hemisphere of her planet-like belly.
- Can we expect a similar picture from Bristol Palin and her baby’s father sometime soon?
- Does she realize that she’s being held for ransom?
I know Bill Cosby is old (71) but DAMN! All of those pudding binges are finally catching up to him. Is it me or did his nose melt over the years?
So I was browsing the webs the other day looking for some ill discounts, cuz thugs can be thrifty too, when all of a sudden I came across this:
Man, the BLACK STUDENT desk sure is wack! I guess two shallow drawers in a scrawny little piece of Ikea furniture is enough for those underachieving coal babies, huh? Here’s one of the absolutely non-fake customer reviews that I totally didn’t just make up:
A black student desk?? Hehe, I bet there are at least two things that you’ll never see on it–a book and a resume. LOL! I’m sure they can use those little drawers to store their watermelon seeds and chicken bones. I don’t know if it’s sturdy enough for them to pound on it to make those jungle music “beats”, but there’s plenty of leg room for them to dribble a basketball! LMAO! Karl Rove/Jed Bush ‘2012!!!
Let’s see what happens when I google “white student desk” shall we?