Final Destination 4…in 3-D??!?

I’m sure all of you have seen at least one of the Final Destination movies by now, right? If not, I’ll quickly explain the premise to you since the plot is the same in all of the films.  Basically some fool is out doing something with a bunch of other fools (e.g. flying on a plane, driving on the highway, or playing “Whoops! Wrong Hole!” in a dark room at a frat house) and suddenly has a premonition about some horrific disaster that results in the brutal deaths of all the fools involved.

The protagonist then wakes up from the dream and convinces a bunch of people to leave before said massacre occurs.  However the survivors eventually find out that “Death” doesn’t like to be stood up and they’re all killed one by one in sexy ultraviolent fashion.

Well, they’re making a 4th installment in the popular series but in order to spice it up they decided to film it in 3-D! I can imagine one of the death scenes in my head:

A big-breasted brunette girl (description irrelevant but gratifying) is in the kitchen boiling some Ramen noodles on the stove when the phone suddenly rings in the living room. As soon as she steps out of the kitchen the flame under the noodles suddenly rises and the water boils out of the pot and lands on the kitchen floor.  She hangs up the phone after hearing nothing but *dead* silence on the other end and walks back toward the kitchen. As she hastily approaches the stove to turn down the fire she slips on the water, hits the pot while flailing her arms, hideously burns her face with boiling noodle water, falls out of the window and accidentally hangs herself with a curious strong noodle.  And just when you think things can’t get any worse she gets struck by lightning and explodes!

And because the movie is in 3-D the audience will see all of her exploded bits fly over their heads like watermelon chunks at a Gallagher show. Brilliant! But seriously, how many times can you remake the same damn movie?! Oh wait, it’s Hollywood–the place where creativity is an accident and underachievement is a virtue.


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